Last time, I suggested moving away from the objectives of safety and stability and in their place, seeking purpose and agility.
Today, I want to explain what I mean by “purpose”.
Right off the top, I’m not suggesting that we seek some sort of Purpose with a capital ‘P’. This is not about choosing an idol or ideal and devoting yourself entirely to that purpose.
No, what I’m referring to is purpose as a direction rather than a destination. I know my own life works much better when I feel like I have a sense of purpose. The specifics can shift and morph, but It’s like having a North Star. Actually, that analogy is somewhat misleading, because my sense of purpose doesn’t just come from one thing, but rather a collection of things.
Allow me to explain how the Mortality Mindset version of purpose works.
Violet’s story
Violet (a fictional person I’m using for this example) is super clear about who she is and what she wants in life. In fact, she’s got it written down in her journal and reviews it regularly. (A great practice, to be sure!) If you ask her about her sense of purpose she’ll tell you the following:
“Family and friends are number one for me - absolutely! I’m not in a serious relationship right now, but would like to start one in the next couple of years so I can start having a family of my own within the next five years. My parents are getting older, so I try to spend as much time as possible with them. And my friends and I live for our girls’ weekends!
I’m also focused on my career. I worked very hard in law school and landed a good entry-level position at a midsize boutique law firm in my city. The learning curve is steep and the workload is intense, but I’m up for the challenge. It a very progressive firm, so I know that if I’m able to move through the ranks I have a shot at making parter one day.”
That’s how our fictional friend Violet sees her purpose right now. Pretty solid, right?
Well… the reality is her job consumes all of her time and energy. The allure of getting on the partner-track is constantly dangled in front of her as a carrot to get her to take on more and more and work more and more hours. She hasn’t seen her parents since the holidays and the last weekend away with her girlfriends was over a year ago. Now, they barely even manage to make brunch plans that stick.
Violet’s aware of all these realities, but she rationalizes it by telling herself that if he doesn’t accept the extra work, someone else will and then she’ll slip down in the informal rankings in the firm. Besides… she’s still young - there’s lots of time do do those other things… right?
Violet, like the majority of people, has unconsciously slipped into the Immortality Mindset. She’s living as though there will always be more time to get back to her core purpose. She’s telling herself that there will be “enough” time to do it all and to have it all.
Let’s be clear - Violet is way ahead of the game because she’s actually taken the time to think about what her purpose is. She’s even written it down and reviews it from time to time. So many people never take those important steps. They just live life with the default settings, taking the path of least resistance. Or maybe they’re just following a path and a plan laid out for them by someone else. Whatever the case, the biggest problem with living like you’re immortal is always assuming there’ll be more time and “enough” time.
One day, as she’s deep in research for a legal brief that’s due by the end day, Violet’s cell phone rings. Seeing that it’s her parent’s house (they still have a landline - how adorable), she sends it to voicemail and goes back to the brief. When the phone immediately rings again and she sees her paren’s number, her blood runs cold. What’s happened??
Suddenly, the brief is meaningless. She couldn’t care less about the partner-track. As she reaches for the phone, she tries to remember the last time she spoke to her parents. “God, when was it? How the did call end? Did I say I love you?” As she pushes the answer button, she knows everything is about to change.
And this, my friends is the super painful way that the majority of people get snapped out of the Immortality Mindset. An icy bucket of water in the face and possibly the bitter aftertaste of regrets and should-haves.
The Mortality Mindset encourages us to continually ground ourselves in the following realities:
There’s no such thing as “enough time”. There’s only the time we’ve been given.
One day, that time will end. In many cases this happens without warning.
We’re not owed a specific amount of time.
And the piece that is the hardest for many people…
All of these realities are true for everyone we love.
Clarity of purpose
Mortality is the great clarifier. It helps us instantly clarify our true priorities. As Violet answered that call there was absolutely zero part of her that was still thinking about the brief she’d been working on.
If we build our future on a foundation of “I have all the time in the world” we can get badly burned.
Instead, I’m suggesting we build our future on a foundation of understanding that time is a limited and unknown commodity.
This foundation also sets us up for the next point… agility. I’ll talk more about that next time.
… Now go call your mother!